Friday, April 29, 2005


i can read ppl's thoughts? don't make me laugh, if i could, i wouldn't have been so unhappy....
been asking myself lots of questions about life, why this not that, why her not me? i realised something, life has lots of questions, but u don't always have to know the answers, do u? then why do schools want us to think? to question? if questioning brings no answers, why question? i can't leave a question hanging in mid air, i hate people who don't give me answers when i ask a question. but doesn't that happen to myself as well? don't i ask myself questions and leave them at the back of my thoughts somewhere, hoping that eventually i would find enlightment somewhere someday... i guess till this day i'm still hoping, still dreaming...
things happened today & yesterday..
it's still bothering me though...
心的无助..不是单单只句话,就能形容出来的.... 有时候,活在这世上真的很累,人类不在有如往日那么简单..写不出东西来,是累了,还是不想在把自己内心的弱小展示给别人看呢?
things to change...
1. stop saying fuck.. even in blog
2. stop getting worried that u can't communicate with that senior, i think he's diriving u nuts

i think that's abt all.. the way to be happy, is be simple.. just be u and nt be bothered with anyone else... that's the way... i feel more relaxed now adays..

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


女友几时有 把酒问室友 不知隔壁姑娘 可有男朋友 我欲凿墙看去 又恐墙壁太厚 疼坏我的手 改用偷窥镜 屋里人已走 转楼梯 低头看 那某某 果不单身 她正挎住俊男肘 人有悲欢离合 月有阴晴圆缺 此事古来有 但愿没多久 他俩就分手 女友几时有 把酒问青天 不知告别单身 要等多少年 我欲出家而去 又恐眷恋红尘 空门不胜寒 起舞影为伴 寂寞在人间 追女孩 妄相思 夜难眠 不应有恨 何时才能把梦圆 女有黑白俊丑 男有高矮肥瘦 此事古难全 但愿人长久 光棍不再有!

haha.. copied that from my senior.. crazy stuff
btw, some changes i need to make with my life before i move on.
1. nvr switch on my hp in the morning unless in special circumstances
2. spend all breaks in the LEP room or in some dark corners of the library, unless i have to eat lunch or smthing
3. forget all rubbish that has been bothering me since that start of school and focus on sch work

i think that's about all. my senior seems to be angry... oh whatever.. went home and slept like a log... i guess i was drained out yesterday... still.. lots of hmwrk nt done, dun feel like doing, dun feel like going to sch in fact.
weilian said she and kah hui will be praying for her... it that helps, then all the best. i guess it's best to have a religion somtimes, at least u have something to distract ur mind from. better do hmwrk.. oh well.. see ya...

self mutilation

Self-mutilation is a general term for a variety of forms of intentional self-harm without the wish to die. Cutting one's skin with razors or knives is the most common pattern of self-mutilation. Others include biting, hitting, or bruising oneself; picking or pulling at skin or hair; burning oneself with lighted cigarettes, or amputating parts of the body.

The relationship of self-mutilation to suicide is still debated even though statistics show that nearly 50% of individuals who injure themselves also attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Many researchers think that suicide attempts reflect feelings of rejection or hopelessness, while self-mutilation results from feelings of shame or a
need to relieve tension.

Causes and symptoms

self-mutilation is an outlet for strong negative emotions, especially anger or shame, that the person is afraid to express in words or discuss with others.

self-mutilation represents anger at someone else directed against the self.

self-mutilation relieves unbearable tension or anxiety Many self-mutilators do report feeling relief after an episode of self-cutting or other injury.

self-mutilation is a technique for triggering the body's biochemical responses to pain. Stress and trauma release endorphins, which are the body's natural pain-killing substances
self-mutilation is a way of stopping a dissociative episode. Dissociation is a process in which the mind splits off, or dissociates, certain memories and thoughts that are too painful to keep in conscious awareness. Some people report that they feel "numb" or "dead" when they dissociate, and self-injury allows them to feel "alive."

Saturday, April 23, 2005


还记得很清楚,我俩初次见面,我这人一向来新的东西一向很抗拒,态度也不属于很友善的. 你当时认为我不喜欢你.当时可能是错觉,现在却可能已经是事实了.
当年的承诺呀~就因为我当日对你和对自己的承诺,才给自己的退路给搁住了.老天,你在玩弄我吗? 中二时候,朋友有了同性恋的问题,找了我帮忙,我毫无顾忌,毫不犹豫的答应了,结果成绩就直往下堕,我失控了...对情绪的操丛,掌握,我象失控的马,在无边无际的原野狂奔,狂叫...我失去了理智...自从那天起,我就不再是往日的自己了...
哦...那..我...我..好吧... 就这一个交易,就是这一个交易,改变了我的一生...