somehow i needed an explanation for myself after all that has happened....
and somehow i'm always searching for a way to die... just that i don't cut my hand & bleed to death... that's somehow too disgusting...

i tot that she would understand...
or maybe she's always been telling me that she understands me too much that i take for granted...
or maybe it's just that i didn't feel like having someone see through me at that point of time when i felt utterly crushed, jealous & irritated...

so what if my econs improved... SO WHAT? it was just a stupid subject that i managed to get a C with e sacrifice of other subjects... F for chinese?! F can u fuckingly believe me? and i'm flaunting my F around like nobody's business... dismissing it casually as i didn't study....

and i'm trying so hard nt to say i regret taking chinese... that passion doesn't mean excelling in a subject... C to others seem like nthing... it means a whole lot of shit to me...

and u just pushed me to a corner...
i cried what the fuck, i cried and u just tell me that it's just a test... i'm sorry for telling u to shut up but i mean it even till now... shut up....... pls just fuckingly shut up...

i want to tell myself not to give up....

i hate people.... i should be a loner die and decompose

somehow after all this... i can't cry.......