aftermath of MYEs

she blurted to me suddenly saying knowledge w/o love is useless. i pretended to be deep in thought, & acting as if i understood, i said, why do u think he's w/o love. she simply said, u don't understand.. on future enquiry, she asked me if i believed if all things on earth wld come to pass. i gave her an unconvincing yes before she went on to reiterate that therefore knowledge w/o is useless....
i guess it sort of bothered me. or maybe because my mood isn't so good after getting my first F for exams that i didn't bother to acknowledge the ppl ard me.
she's been behaving weirdly as well, kinda of like lost in her own world, and then u dun noe what to say to her. once in a while she gives a few comments during class but i didn't manage to catch what she was saying even after asking her to repeat so she gave up repeating & i gave up asking... just hope everything is alright with her
meanwhile, e.h. screamed tt she managed to pass her econs, nt that i mind but yar.. but maybe what she did was a huge contrast to what i was feeling.... oh well
i'm tired.... suddenly the thought of working in society where i can earn my keep, live independently & do whatever i want doesn't seem so attractive anymore. i dread A levels.... i feel alone especially when ppl suggest class outings cus they either go to expensive places to eat out or hang out @ cinemas to watch movies... it's just nt my style, i hate socialising & it's like what's so great bout e movies? maybe it's because i really dun feel like watching, the second reason is i can't afford to. everytime i go on outings & ppl suggest that we go some expensive eat out, i feel this immense pressure that i'm enjoying all this stuff at the expense of my parents who are working so hard. i hate this feeling so i rather stay @ home & nt do anything....
i know what i like but i don't bother to work hard on it, so i end up deproving... i like chinese, but i'm nt working hard enought on it. this sucks... haha... i need to get a life... lala.. my english is horrible as well, i can even enunciate words properly & i choke on my saliva! i can't believe it... oh well...
i shld just focus on studies & forget bout everything else. these things shld really come later, like entertaining & socialising.
i don't know what i'm writing anymore...
btw, i'm in love with detective conan, inuyasha & shaman king.. lolx... the power of anime...