it's been while

it's been a while
since i've done smthing i myself cld be proud of
since i last spoke to my closest friends
since i last touched the keys of the piano & played smthing nice
since i stepped into CEDAR
since i felt emotions taking over me
since i've thought about the philosophies of life and got depressed over it
since i felt hope
since i dreamt
since i felt like i am the past

memories and religion.... religion manipulates the mind... but which one manipulates which in reality? either be ctrling them or get ctrled by them logic? memories hold me back, like a reluctant divorcee who wishes that all this isn't true & tt she cld be reunited with her husband again. why isn't life the way ppl define? why doesn't the universe follow it's path as was described to us by those who studied it? why must we learn things simplified? complicated & then finally simplified again? why this process? why do we keep telling ppl to conserve and save the trees and yet are giving out paper booklets with the intention of "educating the public"?
why do sm ppl still believe in a euthopian society when those who had tried to create it had failed tragically?

i keep thinkin and sulking and thinkin and sulking....i need to find a better life