Dead Like Me Curious George (1.3)

George: Do you really care how it's going with me?

Rube: Sure, I make my face look like this and the concerned words come out.

---

George: [voice over] One desperate attempt after another to find something in common with someone else and then cling. “Hey, you have ten fingers, I have ten fingers, let's be friends. We'll make rules and slogans. Then if we find someone with nine fingers, we can beat the crap out of them.”

---

George: What would happen if everybody died?

Mason: What do you mean?

George: Like if we were the only ones left

Mason: Oh, like if the frogs ate everyone on the planet?

George: Yeah.

Mason: I reckon we'd be shoveling a lot of frog shit.

---

George: So... my whole life, everything... All I get to keep are thoughts and memories?

Rube: That's all we ever have, Peanut.

---

Mason: Where's Betty?

Roxy: Babysitting.

Mason: I never had a babysitter.

Roxy: It doesn't mean you didn't need one... I'm gonna get a pet bird.

Mason: Don't get a bird.

Roxy: Why not?

Mason: Because they're weird. Man, I can't relate to a bird, they're so far removed and got different... chromosomes. And they come from eggs.

Roxy: They got faces.

Mason: So do cockroaches. ... What're you gonna do with a bird?

Roxy: Stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm gonna do with it?

Mason: Well I think you should at least get one you can eat.

Roxy: I'm gonna get a friend. I'm not gonna eat my friend!

Mason: They have brains the size of pistachios, it's not smart enough to be a friend.

Roxy: You don't know what you're talking about. I saw this special on PBS called Animal Miracles, and they did a dramatic reenactment about a guy being robbed and he had a parrot or a cockatiel or something, and that bird lost its shit when its owner was attacked. It opened up its cage--

Mason: Why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?

Roxy: Where else are you gonna put it?! It opened up its cage and went crazy. Pet dabbed the robber's eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippy Hedren or some shit, and don't you tell me that's not friendship.

Mason: How big was his parrot?

Roxy: I don't know, parrot size.

Mason: Well, a parrot can't take on a full grown man unless that man is a big pussy.

Roxy: I didn't say the parrot won. The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed its owner. The bird's dead.

Mason: So why are you getting a bird?

Roxy: It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker, I'm gonna get a friend!

Mason: Jesus.