insanity

the thought came and left... stupid thoughts... it's coming back again... haha... my ridiculous mind... if that could solve everything, everyone would be flying down buildings.....

i think i'm a potential schizophonic asshole... wadever u spell that, i don't really care... i'm blank... so basically my intellect now is just down to the basic functions, talk crap....

i'm blank.....

i'm blank....

i sort of know why... the questions and the answers... i know the problem, a vague solution which will work but will hurt as well... my eyes hurt from the leakage... my sis msged me to say she loved me... it stopped me from doing something ridiculous.............................................

i wonder if it's the same stuff hui asks herself as well, or maybe she has become too self absorbed in her own little timbaktu world to even care....

limit.... what is mine? haha... i think i go haywire cus of the periods.... i become damn emotional & agitated... or maybe i haf worms inside my brains...

if singing helps.... the music in the backgroud sounds more like nothing...
hahahaha......................
mankind....................

do i care?

against the odds one man will rise~ kingdom of heaven

ur soul is in ur keeping, when u stand before god u cannot say that i was told by others to do thus or that virtue was not convenient at that time. this will not suffice..

damn

bleahx..
my sis just told me i was selfish... wtf...
maybe i am so damn selfish... in fact.. i am so damn selfish...
even hui has to dedicate one sentence of her blog to selfish ppl, including me
i feel so.... sutpid... useless...f me
i hate myself... to think i rated myself so high for mslo...crap... facade facade..
i hate myself.... i'm shit i'm junk...
maybe i need somebody to wake me up... i've been at the top of the world for too long
i need to return back to reality... i need to be more humble, more aware of others' needs.
everyone's msn nick is sick
some ppl wanna bleed... some ppl wanted to kill themselves... is it just a expression? or is it for real?
this is pissing me off...
hate my sis... haix...not really.. just hated to hear this comment coming out of her mouth...
stupid..
feel so empty...
it's been like this for a while... the fact that i can't trust anyone makes it worse....
cries... alone....blue...

wad he said...

敏:RJC 翠谷很好看，去不去？
他:what r the story
敏：我们的世界
他：哦，看起来很适合你　:P
敏：... 怎么说？
他：孤寂少女
敏：欠扁　:p
他：u r always lose in this world, rn't u?
敏：会么？还好啦
他：哦......
敏: do i always look lost to u?
他：当然不是
敏：den what makes u think i'm lost? gut feeling?
他：it is alright. r u going 2 tj? tmr?
敏：how much? 8 bucks also?
他：yup, starts at 7.30pm
敏：i'll consider...i'm broke...thanks anyway :)
敏：u going huh?
他：i suppose went today, but as some reason i didn't go. sad :'(
敏：u nt going tml? get a refund or smthing
他：i won't spend $16 2 watch 1 show
敏：nt spend, like ask them whether can xchange a fri ticket for sat ticket
他：cannot lah
敏：what makes u so sure?
他：u can try if u want, & that will be ur free ticket tmr, haha, gd luck
敏：i haf senior there, i'll help u ask, i dun wanna go. u want? if u wanna go then i ask my senior, if u dun wan den i won't ask
他：thx anyway, u r always a good guy
敏：guy?!
他: i hope my gf would be same as u
敏：...........
他：i mean charac
敏：haf fun finding ur gf then, some of the schlars i know are very nice, can go find them
他:thx anyway
敏: dun stand on a ceremony
他:wad does that mean?
敏:不用客气

guess that was the end of our conversation... go figure...
i think i'll die of shame if i read this at a later date but dun care... haha.. just wanna put this here now... i'm so happy...! things are going well..! haha... life is so lovely... so cherishable..haha

he's pissing me off.... we don't talk often but he's constant request that i accompany him out to watch movies, eat dinner blah blah... he's gt no life... and i dun haf time and i still dun trust him enough...
and he is SO NOT MY BOYFRIEND. he still can't get over his gf and tortures himself over this think... i still think he's a flirt though... wadever... i'm so not interested in analysing his character... he has no will to work hard, only get frustrated over BGR stuff and wasting his life away....
i'm going to block him off frm msn... i know i'm cruel but being with this kind of person doesn't get me anywhere... i really can't spend any more time eating out with him or wadever... he knows it and he's still pestering me... urgh
that's final!

she's going away

she's drifting away from me.... i don't seem to care, or maybe i'm too selfish to care.. she hasn't been in sch for a week or so.... whereas i'm too tired to return her msges... only to msg her at around midnight when she's asleep...
i've learnt not to take things to heart, learnt to let go, learnt that some things are w/i ur control, others not. i assume i can take on more challenges, yet at the back of my head my assholic inner voice tells me otherwise.
weilian is looking after her as well, burdened shared, but problem unresolved. she's becoming less open... or maybe she didn't even open up at all...
bits and pieces bits and pieces. that's all that she has told me plus some bonus here and there when i earned her trust bit by bit... it didn't get me anywhere, the picture i formed with whatever i had didn't make sense.
no one made sense of what she was doing either... as long as she remains obstinate and doesn't change her thinking, we can't help... can we?
now i have this sinking feeling that it's my fault... stupid... i need to see a physcologist as well... haha.. i need someone to anaylise my character.. DISC crap doesn't help... believe me... what they want is only the surface.. i need in depth stuff... makes sense?